By: Bill Urell
No one is meant to be alone. No, I'm not talking about some cosmic pre-destined great one true love and all that baloney. I'm talking about regular, human relationships.
We have family, we have friends, we have neighbors and workmates that we see every day. In the course of all that social interaction, however, there are always bound to be 'troublesome' moments of confrontation, pain, aggravation, and heartache.
Here are ten tips you can take to help you do your part to smooth things over in the way you deal with other people, as well as help the people you know deal with each other.
1) Be sensitive to other people's feelings - empathy is definitely not overrated. Most of the problems with relationships are emotional in nature. Being sensitive to the needs and feelings of other people around you will cause a marked improvement in your dealings with them. Knowing when you're stepping on someone's toes, or when a friend is "not in the mood" will keep you from the dreaded foot-and-mouth disease.
2) Keep an open mind - no one likes shallow, narrow minded people. Keep an open mind with regards to the points of view of others. While they may not say things that you'll always agree with, learning to at least be receptive enough to not be immediately offended by something can go a long way towards diplomacy. Keeping an open mind is a great way to actually turn a potentially troublesome argument into a more productive and even fun debate.
3) Listen more than talk - it's a sad but true fact that most people have the tendency to run off at the mouth. We say things without thinking about it first, and only realize in retrospect that we might have phrased things differently, or perhaps should have kept our silence. By listening more than talking, you become both more receptive to other people's opinions and ideas, and give yourself more time to formulate appropriate responses.
4) Have a sense of humor - if you can make people laugh, it goes a long way towards smoothing over relationships with them. If you can even manage the rather rare task of laughing at yourself, it shows a self-deprecating sense of humor that shows people you aren't taking yourself too seriously. You don't need to be a comedian, just know how to laugh and how to make people laugh and have fun.
5) Treat everyone with respect - most people have this preconceived notion that respect must be earned. This is actually an arrogant standpoint that is at the root of a lot of relationship troubles. Respect, rather, should be freely given to others, no matter their point of view and standing, and only retracted when people do something that goes directly and irrevocably against your own personal view of what is right.
6) You are not the center of the universe - a self centered point of view is asking for trouble. The world does not revolve around you, and if you act like it does, then people will most likely leave you to your own little world where you can happily be by yourself.
7) It's not what you say it's how you say it - learn to say things in a diplomatic fashion. There is a time and place for bluntness, for empathy and soft words, and for dry factual recitations. Knowing HOW to present something is important because people will be more apt to listen to you than if you say something in a fashion that they either cannot comprehend or reject outright because your manner of speaking offends them.
8) Be a fire hydrant, not a flamethrower - in social interactions, it's all too easy to be a gossip or to take sides in an argument and fanning the flames. If you overdo these tendencies, you're asking for trouble. Learn to fix arguments and soothe hurt feelings instead of saying things that will only add gunpowder to the bomb.
9) It's give and take - don't be a martyr either. Most of the advice given above may seem to be telling you to be a noble, self-sacrificing lump. This is farthest from the truth. We're all, at heart, entitled to be a little bit selfish. There's nothing wrong with wanting to win, wanting to be happy and loved. Just remember that OTHER people want the same things you do, and you can work WITH them to help each other achieve your goals.
10) Patience is the key - I saved this tip for last for a simple reason. If you think that the above tips will make you deal with people better overnight, you're dead wrong. It will take months, even years of practice, experience, and maturity before you get the formulas right. And even then you'll need to keep learning and adjusting, because every day will bring new people into your life, with new points of view, new ideas, and new attitudes.
Article Source: http://www.articlehighlight.com/
Tell your story! Pick up tips and tricks to help improve relationships and enhance your life free of addictions. Join our growing community. The author, Bill Urell MA.CAAP-II, is an addictions therapist at a leading drug treatment center. He teaches healthy life styles and life skills. Visit us at: http://www.addictionrecoverybasics.com/
Friday, September 21, 2007
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Boost the Quality of Your Relationship by Focusing on the Positive
By: Danette Hibberd
As women of 40 years plus, we are fortunate to have experienced many friendships and relationships through our years. We have chosen to form bonds with people as they have displayed qualities we admire, and with others, we may have seen qualities we have disliked and so chosen to deny the forming of bonds with them.
Have you ever attempted to make other people do the things you want to do, or see things the way you see them? Have you struggled to make things go your way? Well, the time has come to stop trying as it is almost impossible to manipulate others. Now is the time to focus on the positive qualities of your relationship and try to let go of the negatives.
Your response to the actions of others must be reviewed if you want to further deepen the bond you have. Try to get past the behaviours that are bothering you and begin focusing on the positive aspects in your relationship. The hope that this person will change to make you happy is often not achievable, so it is now up to you.
As an example, think of a person (most probably your partner) in your life. What qualities are lacking in that person that you disapprove? Does he leave the lid off the toothpaste? Does he leave his clothes spread all over the floor? Maybe you wish he was more attentive or think he is not up to par in the bedroom. Whatever quality it is that upsets you, by focusing your attention on what this person is doing that annoys you, or you disagree with, it becomes inflated in your mind and in fact makes you dwell on this 'problem' and it will annoy you even more.
Instead, what if you focused on the qualities that you admire in this person? What was it about this person that attracted them to you initially? Maybe they had a great sense of humour, maybe they gave you lots of attention and made you feel special or perhaps you connected because you were able to talk openly and he listened. There must have been many good and likeable qualities in him for you to continue being together and deepen your acquaintance into a relationship.
By focusing your attention on the positive qualities of this person more often, your relationship will blossom as you experience these qualities rising to the surface and clouding the negatives. Once you accept these positives and see them continually, you will become more relaxed and find that you become more receptive to him, and he will react to your open acceptance of him and therefore give more to the relationship as well.
Try to be tolerant of the qualities you dislike in the relationship. Put yourself in their shoes for a minute and realize that they may have issues, something in their upbringing, or maybe their priorities lie on a different scale to yours. Is leaving the clothes all over the floor really so dramatic to cause distress, or does he shine when gathering with your friends, shower you with love and attention, remember special dates or events in your relationship?
What is more important to you? The love of a fine man who loves you and is willing to take care of you? Or a man who makes a mess and it takes a few minutes to clean up after him?
In order for you to have a successful relationship, focus your attention on your reactions. Let go. Focus on the positive qualities of your relationship and the appealing aspects of this person.
Lastly, treat others as you would like them to treat you. Respect them for who they are, and what they bring into your life. I am sure that that is the way you would like to be acknowledged. In this way, you will find them being more receptive, you will experience more of the positive qualities more often and a fulfilling relationship will develop.
Article Source: http://www.articlehighlight.com
Danette Hibberd
Wellness Coach
Author - From Flutter to Fly, Inspirational Quotes to transform you.
fabat40.com
Total wellness for women 40 yrs plus
alternatively healthier
Discover the benefits of natural and holistic living.
As women of 40 years plus, we are fortunate to have experienced many friendships and relationships through our years. We have chosen to form bonds with people as they have displayed qualities we admire, and with others, we may have seen qualities we have disliked and so chosen to deny the forming of bonds with them.
Have you ever attempted to make other people do the things you want to do, or see things the way you see them? Have you struggled to make things go your way? Well, the time has come to stop trying as it is almost impossible to manipulate others. Now is the time to focus on the positive qualities of your relationship and try to let go of the negatives.
Your response to the actions of others must be reviewed if you want to further deepen the bond you have. Try to get past the behaviours that are bothering you and begin focusing on the positive aspects in your relationship. The hope that this person will change to make you happy is often not achievable, so it is now up to you.
As an example, think of a person (most probably your partner) in your life. What qualities are lacking in that person that you disapprove? Does he leave the lid off the toothpaste? Does he leave his clothes spread all over the floor? Maybe you wish he was more attentive or think he is not up to par in the bedroom. Whatever quality it is that upsets you, by focusing your attention on what this person is doing that annoys you, or you disagree with, it becomes inflated in your mind and in fact makes you dwell on this 'problem' and it will annoy you even more.
Instead, what if you focused on the qualities that you admire in this person? What was it about this person that attracted them to you initially? Maybe they had a great sense of humour, maybe they gave you lots of attention and made you feel special or perhaps you connected because you were able to talk openly and he listened. There must have been many good and likeable qualities in him for you to continue being together and deepen your acquaintance into a relationship.
By focusing your attention on the positive qualities of this person more often, your relationship will blossom as you experience these qualities rising to the surface and clouding the negatives. Once you accept these positives and see them continually, you will become more relaxed and find that you become more receptive to him, and he will react to your open acceptance of him and therefore give more to the relationship as well.
Try to be tolerant of the qualities you dislike in the relationship. Put yourself in their shoes for a minute and realize that they may have issues, something in their upbringing, or maybe their priorities lie on a different scale to yours. Is leaving the clothes all over the floor really so dramatic to cause distress, or does he shine when gathering with your friends, shower you with love and attention, remember special dates or events in your relationship?
What is more important to you? The love of a fine man who loves you and is willing to take care of you? Or a man who makes a mess and it takes a few minutes to clean up after him?
In order for you to have a successful relationship, focus your attention on your reactions. Let go. Focus on the positive qualities of your relationship and the appealing aspects of this person.
Lastly, treat others as you would like them to treat you. Respect them for who they are, and what they bring into your life. I am sure that that is the way you would like to be acknowledged. In this way, you will find them being more receptive, you will experience more of the positive qualities more often and a fulfilling relationship will develop.
Article Source: http://www.articlehighlight.com
Danette Hibberd
Wellness Coach
Author - From Flutter to Fly, Inspirational Quotes to transform you.
fabat40.com
Total wellness for women 40 yrs plus
alternatively healthier
Discover the benefits of natural and holistic living.
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